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pics

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Watch “You are God” on YouTube

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Watch “Is Being Gay Anti Pro-Black?” on YouTube

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Fake Deep

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ugh

i have been trying to get this video of yummy walking uploaded on here all day. damn app is getting on my nerves.

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i think i’m growing

or at least finally able to call myself out on my own bullshit. which is kind of liberating for me honestly because for the longest i never looked at the “why”, as in,  why do i do the things that i do. not beyond the surface anyway.

i’m deep in my feelings, missing Him… like it’s almost physically painful when i don’t hear from Him. my mind gets all fucked up, depressed and it just makes me feel more alone sometimes. i went down this path long time ago (different situations but essentially the same feeling on my end, feeling lonely or abandoned) and got caught up in my feelings so i welcomed any attention i got. that almost got me fucked up, in more ways than one I’m sure.

so, to shorten up this story, a person from my past reached out to me on fb yesterday. after a couple of messages, my mind spoke up like why are you talking to him? like i had full blown conversation with myself. and basically what i figured out is i depend on Him emotionally way more than i even 💭 i did. that is scary. i think some D/s relationships depend on this emotional bond and i know i would be pretty much useless to Him if i didn’t have a deep emotional attachment to Him. it’s just… idk. He’s around way less and i don’t want to be an emo brat whenever He is able to talk to me. i can’t keep my feelings from Him yet i don’t want to be needy. He’ll just get mad at me. i hate when He gets mad at me, especially when i just try to let Him know how i feel. it’s belittling almost. if the way i feel about Him not being around will just piss Him off, what does that say about me? am i that selfish and needy? -sigh- i’m not trying to be.

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