Monthly Archives: March 2013

Doing What’s Best for Me {Baby Steps}..

Still not sticking to the Monday thing lol. Ah well, not like it’s a crime to post more. I’m sure I’ll something boring to post about on Monday.

Anywho…I’ve recently figured out that 1 of my root issues is that I feel like I am/will be a burden to people. It has been a very long time since I have worked, I mean v-e-r-y. Due to some circumstances before Ny was born, I had to quit the job I was working then. After that I went to school and got as Associate’s in business administration. For a lil bit afterward I worked as an in-home health aid. Then my mom’s health got worse and I became her full-time caretaker. To have something else to do yet still be home when I needed to be, I started working on an Associate’s in early childhood education. So there is a lot of non-working time in there. I haven’t brought a paycheck home in years and I feel like I don’t bring anything to the table…

In order to follow my heart I am going to make some changes in my life. I do want to take classes again, this time to earn a Bachelor’s in early childhood education. In the meantime I need to find a job that allows me to be home when the kids get home from school. Save my money up….I want to move out of Concord first, then see what’s beyond the borders of NC. The life I dream of is not here. I know this is gonna start a bunch of shit between me and Gray and I hate that it’s gonna come to that….the kids…maybe nobody will understand. I need to do this, become self-sufficient outside of my lil comfort zone by myself. I don’t wanna go into too much detail….but my destiny is elsewhere. But I’ve never been on my own before; Job Corps doesn’t count. I went from my mom’s house to living with Gray. So, to follow my destiny, I need to know I can make it on my own. Baby steps.

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Oh my god…Kathy Bates will be in the new season of American Horror Story! ~swoons~


American Horror Story Coven Season 3 SpoilersBig chills are coming to the Big Easy.

American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy revealed Friday evening on the final night of PaleyFest 2013 that the third installment of the FX frightfest would be subtitledCoven.

RELATED |American Horror Story Season 3: Ryan Murphy Teases Kathy Bates’ Turn as a ‘Bad, Bad Woman!’

He also confirmed that which was leaked last week, that the new season will film, in part, in New Orleans.

And while it’s obvious that witches figure into AHS: Coven, Murphy indicated that the show will once again conjure up a melange of scary themes. “It’s about a lot of things,” he said.

Turning to its genesis, he explained, “It’s a really cool story that we’ve been talking about for a couple of years actually, and this seemed the year to do it.”

As for the setting, Murphy reiterated that the narrative will take…

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I’m sorry..

I say that a lot and I mean it each time I say it. I should just stfu sometimes, I really should. But if I don’t ask……and now….idek. It hurts tho, I know that much. I just feel so lost…I’m sorry.

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Dog Tired {Pitfalls of Not Having a Car}

I am worn the fuck out. The past few days have been busy as hell for me. That’s why I didn’t post yesterday, I was just too tired. I went to church Sunday with Gray and the kids. I had been telling them I would go back, so just so I wouldn’t have to keep hearing Gray’s mouth I went. We ended up spending all day with his family. His mom had cooked and wanted everybody to come over. I didn’t know it would be damn near 8 before we got home. His aunt brought us home. I barely made it to see my shows that night I was so sleepy. Then Monday I needed to go to the grocery store. Tammie was off and her and her mom said they had to do the same so I caught a ride with them. I also needed to wash a load of undies, so I walked over to Tammie’s with a duffel bag full of clothes. That shit was heavy lol. So I get over there, we blaze waiting on Connie. We ended up going to at least 6 different stores yesterday including the grocery store.On top of that, Connie dropped me off at the house with my groceries so once Ny got home from school, we walked back over to Tammie’s to get the clothes and then walked back home. I. Was. Beat. I ain’t had a car in a min and it had been awhile since my lazy-cigarette-smoking ass had to walk like that.

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Ugh, my head..

I cannot shake this headache. Its kinda been hovering in the background for a couple days now. I don’t know if its stress or what but I wish it would just go away. I don’t miss having daily migraines.

Seems like I haven’t been able to stick to posting on Mondays huh, lol. Oh well, shit on my mind I guess. I’m feeling all kinda shit, most I privately write about. So I’ll probably do that once I’m done here.

Oh, I tried the Joe Rock. That is gonna take some getting used to, but I love how it feels.Already know what my next purchase is gonna be too.

I got to talk to bestest about me feeling like she’s mad at me. Short answer is yes without going into much detail. It made me sad and a lil upset that she feels the way she does. I know I can’t be everything to her, I need/want to be so bad. But I have always known that I’m not, so I would never….I don’t see why she would think I’d be mad about that. She has a life, she’s almost healed, she’s busy. Why she would be mad at me thinking I expect/want her to deny….I don’t know. But it hurts that she felt/feels that way about me. I mean, although she is way way more, that is my best friend. She told me she ain’t feeling ‘vu no more so I’m guessing I won’t see her on. It feels like she’s kinda pulling back anyway so I’ll just keep in touch however I can. Ask her? Oh nah. When I try to tell her about what I’m feeling it is always a disaster for me cuz it never comes out the way I intend. And I hate it when she’s mad at me, so nah. Besides, maybe its just me this time. Maybe.

Nick and Ny have both been doing better in school. Both of them brought there grades up, so they tell me. Report cards come out after spring break I think, so we’ll see. Nick wants to play Pop Warner so bad, ugh. Right now it ain’t even about the price. We don’t have the adequate transportation to get him around. Which I hate. I don’t really care for Pop Warner ball but I might let him play if we had a car. But you know, he still plays for the B&G club and hopefully he’ll make the 7th grade team next year. Nick has natural talent but at the same time doesn’t want to do everything it takes to enhance that talent. I’m sure Pop Warner would be good, if for nothing else to get and keep him in shape when its time to try out for 7th grade. But you know, que sera, sera and all that. Ny is about to start playing volleyball next week. I think that’s why Nick is on his Pop Warner kick again. Oh and did I mention he wants a PS3? Crazy kids lol. To my surprise tho, Ny hasn’t asked for anything. She has been getting her lil diva on tho, getting new clothes so I reckon she’s good.

I’ve started taking computer classes that the Housing Dept. offers. It is so boring, like near tears, but 1) it’s mandatory as part of community service and 2) it gets me out the house a couple hours 2 times a week. I can deal. I gotta get a notebook tho, blah.

I finally got all of Mama’s clothes boxed up. With no tears, yay me lol. The boxes are still in her room tho. I haven’t called anybody to come get them yet. I know we have charities round her that will come pick them up, but….I don’t know. I guess there is something holding me back. The finality of it all I suppose. I am going to get it done tho, I just can’t say when.

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My package came today!! That is all (lol).

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can’t wait to try it.

Words of Whit

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For the people who don’t feel like going to the shops or spending money on new Shea butter pomades, you should try this. It’s a recipe that’s been working great for me lately and will help you gain a couple pounds… to your pocket purses, obviously.

Okay, enough talking about it and more about how to make it. Doing this Shea butter mix was surprisingly easy; took me 20 minutes and I’m going to show you what I did.

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You don’t really need exact measurements – it’s not that serious – but of course, you’re going to need some raw Shea butter, as this is the main ingredient, and some natural oils of your choice.

Here we go.

Step 1:

You’re going to want to allow your Shea butter to sit out at room temperature for a couple hours, as this will make the mixing process so much easier.

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