I know, it’s not even 9. I got up at 6:30 like I normally do, for the most part my morning went like normal. I had got the baby situated so I could start cleaning, began sweeping the hallway. I closed the door to the room nobody hardly uses (also part of my normal routine). Bd said something about closing the door on the chords (the 1s we use to split cable throughout the house). I told him I tried to push the chords back, whoever went in there last didn’t fix them back the way I had them, I’d get back to it. He was like, I went in there to get some pants. I said, well there you go. Anyway, we actually start going back and forth over some fucking chords, like seriously. I knew why he was mad though. Like I told him, he ain’t have any reason to pop off at me like he did. I know we’re running low on shit. He didn’t have to take that out on me. So whatever, I’m done talking to him. I go on cleaning then I sit down at my laptop. I’m pissed, emotional; I start crying….his ride comes up, he’s leaving out. I was like, so you not going to give me any money to get your kids anything to eat for today? He turn around with an attitude because the night before I told him I wasn’t going to walk to the grocery store and back with our kids, the baby, and bags of groceries. He got cab fare to give his homeboy to get home, but I can’t get that to go get food for our kids? Kinda fuckery is that? So, he was still mad about that when I asked him about the money. Here he go, huffing and puffing walking back to the door, how you gonna get it? blah blah blah. He had made it to the door by then. I was beyond pissed. Right when he reached for the screen door, I locked it and told him, you know what don’t even worry about it. Then I slammed the door in his face. I felt so…UGH…crying all over again. I call Tammie to let her know what happened. She tells me to stop fucking crying, she’s gonna see what she can do. She calls me back a few minutes later, telling me to send Nick to her house cuz she had her son to put a lil bag of stuff together.
I can’t……we can talk, argue about it or whatever when he gets back. I’m done. He got mad at me Sunday. I hadn’t been back to church since that Sunday I walked home. So, Sunday he asked me if I was going back to church. I told him no. He asked why not. There are plenty of answers, all of which he would have had an argument for and I didn’t want to argue. I simply said because I didn’t want to. I’m sure that didn’t sit well with him. Then, with all the shit we’ve been facing recently…shit in my opinion that we don’t even need to be going through (but only God knows what he does with his money)…I just can’t.
On Friday, I went to the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC with the kids and their summer camp. I had told Bestest about the trip the night before. She was like, have fun and make sure I get some pics to send cuz she has a thing for giraffes lol. We left out stupid early, the sun wasn’t even up when we left out. The ride down I was alright. I rode on the bus with the kids. Me and Ny sat at the back of the bus, they had a movie for us to watch and all that, so I was pretty occupied. I was feeling good tho. It was raining when we got there, so we all ended up heading the the gift shop to get rain ponchos and umbrellas. We walked around a good bit…I was all kinds of wet. Since it was raining there weren’t a lot of animals out. Nick and I both have a thing for predatory animals, so we were all ooo’s and ahh’s when we saw lions, a hyena, a tiger, and a couple of sharks. Ny, girly girl that she is, was the same way about the colorful fish and the different species of monkeys we got to see.
The rain was pouring down so I didn’t pull my camera out for any pictures really. I took a few inside pictures but they didn’t come out so well. Anyway, because of all the rain we didn’t stay as long as we were scheduled to. We ended up back at the gift-shop so the kids could get something. Ny, wanting to make sure Bestest got her pic, helped me pick out a wooden giraffe as a gift. Before we left, I rushed the kids over so I could see the birds. I wanted us to feed them so I bought a lil nectar cup and we went in. LOL, it was so funny. The birds rushed me; I had to look like the world’s shortest tree lol. The kids wanted no parts of that lmao. We finished up with the birds and rejoined the group. We loaded back up on the buses, ate lunch, and began the return trip home. We genuinely had fun, looking at the animals, cracking jokes, and just tripping off each other. I haven’t been like that with the kids in a minute; it felt good..
Their dad is another story all together. I’m tired, working on fixing that problem.
Right now I’m working on being happy. I had a conversation with the kids…it made them sad but at the same time I need to get them prepared.
The kids will be going back to school in a couple of weeks. Nick’s birthday is the day after school starts back. Lol, the boy still doesn’t know what he wants to do for his birthday. Aww but he kinda broke my heart when he told us he didn’t want to go out for 7th grade football. He said he wants to focus on basketball this year. I’m still mad at him about it and I won’t lie, I am still debating on whether or not to make him play anyway. Even though I know I said I was not going to be 1 of those kinds of parents. So, ok, I’m not debating but I am still mad at him. Ny wants to play volleyball again this year, she hasn’t decided if she wants to cheer. But I think volleyball and cheerleading overlap at the B&G’s club so she may have to pick 1; I’m not sure though.
I wanna write more but I’m tired, tipsy, and Robot Chicken is calling my name.