i ended up with a day off from babysitting, so i decided to make today all about mika – hence the title ‘fat friday’. Daddi calls me fat, its my day…there you go. so this morning i meditated, did my workout, soaked in the tub with a jasmine lime fizzy ball, and then showered. i haven’t done too much of anything beyond that lol but its cool cuz its my day.
speaking of my workout, my blond has been in full effect since i started. i couldn’t figured why i was soooo sore, like beyond what i thought should be normal soreness. duh, i haven’t been stretching before my workouts. now that i figured that out, hopefully some of this soreness will abate. i had gotten so bad, i was almost like ‘fuck this’. i’m glad i figured out the problem because quitting my workout is not an option. i would have gotten all kinds of fucked up, and none of them in a good way.
right now, i have a plate of (authentic, not taco bell) tacos, a glass of pink moscato, and a freshly rolled l. H2 has an ancient aliens marathon going, so i’m in a state of nerdvana. later on today, this evening probably, i’ll get on ‘vu and look for a/some new victim(s), help me get my mind off of missing Him. thank god for pictures and old messages lol.
just wanted to write a little bit. i may be back later.
idk what i dreamed about.. i woke up crying inconsolably tears pouring down my face. got a lot on my mind; i reckon it just poured out into my sleep. guess i will lie down until my alarm clock goes off.
i still love the original but he sang that, and the way he ends it? lol
who does though, right? if i never had to see cmc northeast medical center for the rest of my life. it wouldn’t bother me at all. i don’t have any good hospital memories, especially not here lately. sheena is in icu, had to have heart surgery yesterday so it was a heart attack.. i can’t put into words how scary that is. sheena is like 2 or 3 years older than me. nobody thinks about having a heart attack in their 30s, i don’t care what kind of medical problems they have. well i do, but i often dwell on shit i don’t need to. i took the kids with me. now i don’t know if that was a good idea or not. all the tubes… she’s not breathing on her own right now. when we got their the nurses were giving her some medication. the way her right eye bulged out of her eye socket… i don’t even know how that’s possible. that’s what got to nick. he’s never seen his godmother like that before. the last time she had to go to the hospital, she died twice. she didn’t want them to see her like that. i didn’t get to ask any questions, her mom and bf were gone and i didn’t want to bombard the kids with questions they may or may not be able to answer. it was hard seeing my nigga laid up in the bed like that. like, i could type forever the history me and her have. pre-kids, pre-graylan, we’ve known each other for years, way back to when her oldest (now 24) was a toddler. the nurses said they are keeping her sedated and though she can have visitors, they would prefer we wouldn’t talk to her so much, because even though she is sedated she can still hear and it’s almost like she is trying to respond (like her bp rises).
lol… she is a libra like i am. she always said she was put in my life because i was with graylan “and you KNOW libras and capricorns don’t get along. fuck wrong with you? now i gotta take up your libra slack for his capricorn ass!” and we’d just die laughing. we went together to get our tongues pierced back in the day. my dumbass let her pain freak ass go 1st. with a straight face she said it didn’t hurt. the look on my face when the needle went through my tongue made her day…hell her month lol. she’ll still get her chuckles off that day. 1st time i had to cut most of my hair off, not only did she go with me, she got hers cut off too. now we’re both addicted to short hair lol. she was at the hospital when i had nick too. stayed by my side from the 1st labor pain to when he finally came out, even watched the doctor do my episiotomy (she’s weird like me). Now that i’m sitting here thinking about it, i’ve been through a lot with sheena, good and bad.
i know she is going to pull through, i am claiming that for her.
i am trying to forge a new path to a healthier me and with Daddi’s help i am sure i will get there. i want to be an example for nick and ny… i don’t want to force them to do the things i’ve been trying, hopefully seeing my change will be enough for them to want to do it with me. i have a workout plan now that i’m to do 3 days a week plus meditation everyday. prior to that i have been reading up on some things. i think i’m getting pretty good at buying healthier foods. snacks are hard though. and cereals. kannapolis has a farmer’s market i want to try, that’s the only way i will really know where my food comes from and what’s in it. we do have an amish store here in concord that sells organic stuff… lol but from what i’ve been told it’s a fake amish store. the people who own it aren’t amish at all, they just sell amish products. meats are my issue too. we have a butcher’s market that gets there products from local farms, but i need to do my research into what kinds of farms those are. awhile back 1 of my friends put me onto oil pulling. i don’t do it consistently enough to see a difference yet, which is awful because i know the toothpastes are full of poison. but i did buy a big jar of organic coconut oil just for that purpose. i cannot get the kids on board with me for that though lol. i get the mama-done-lost-her-mind-oil-can’t-clean-teeth sideways stare. i had tried sun gazing. it is supposed to expand the pineal gland, what most cultures refer to as the 3rd eye (sometimes shown as a pine cone). now that is kind of hard to do in the mornings because of how my little house sits. and i usually forget to do it at sunset. i’m working on that though. just trying to get us healthy.
speaking of health… sheena went to the hospital via stretcher yesterday. idk…i was like frozen but not. i was scared as shit too. thank god her neighbor’s bf knows cpr. the ambulance took forever it seemed like. i’m going to visit her today. from the way it was described to me she had a heart attack. she’s been dealing with blood pressure and heart related illnesses for awhile now. i need to take a cpr class. until yesterday the thought had never crossed my mind… but i’m keeping these kids, i have kids of my own. i don’t want to be stuck and helpless like i was when mama passed…
i finally got my 1st imvu kill last night. it was more fun than i expected it to be, like way. i disemboweled him right when he thought he was about to get some lmao. poor thing, he was so set on fucking he didn’t even know what to think lol. thrusting that knife into his gut and ripping through his flesh was just.. that shit was special. i think i will be the kind of killer who takes trophies, little trinkets my victims happen to be wearing… imvu has a vast amount of shit i can use. i have already found like 4 or 5 rooms i want to turn into my torture rooms. hooks, body parts, all that. so much stuff…
“God always punishes us for what we can’t imagine.”
― Stephen King, Duma Key