i really do not like going to the hospital..

who does though, right? if i never had to see cmc northeast medical center for the rest of my life. it wouldn’t bother me at all. i don’t have any good hospital memories, especially not here lately. sheena is in icu, had to have heart surgery yesterday so it was a heart attack.. i can’t put into words how scary that is. sheena is like 2 or 3 years older than me. nobody thinks about having a heart attack in their 30s, i don’t care what kind of medical problems they have. well i do, but i often dwell on shit i don’t need to. i took the kids with me. now i don’t know if that was a good idea or not. all the tubes… she’s not breathing on her own right now. when we got their the nurses were giving her some medication. the way her right eye bulged out of her eye socket… i don’t even know how that’s possible. that’s what got to nick. he’s never seen his godmother like that before. the last time she had to go to the hospital, she died twice. she didn’t want them to see her like that. i didn’t get to ask any questions, her mom and bf were gone and i didn’t want to bombard the kids with questions they may or may not be able to answer. it was hard seeing my nigga laid up in the bed like that. like, i could type forever the history me and her have. pre-kids, pre-graylan, we’ve known each other for years, way back to when her oldest (now 24) was a toddler. the nurses said they are keeping her sedated and though she can have visitors, they would prefer we wouldn’t talk to her so much, because even though she is sedated she can still hear and it’s almost like she is trying to respond (like her bp rises).

lol… she is a libra like i am. she always said she was put in my life because i was with graylan “and you KNOW libras and capricorns don’t get along. fuck wrong with you? now i gotta take up your libra slack for his capricorn ass!” and we’d just die laughing. we went together to get our tongues pierced back in the day. my dumbass let her pain freak ass go 1st. with a straight face she said it didn’t hurt. the look on my face when the needle went through my tongue made her day…hell her month lol. she’ll still get her chuckles off that day. 1st time i had to cut most of my hair off, not only did she go with me, she got hers cut off too. now we’re both addicted to short hair lol. she was at the hospital when i had nick too. stayed by my side from the 1st labor pain to when he finally came out, even watched the doctor do my episiotomy (she’s weird like me). Now that i’m sitting here thinking about it, i’ve been through a lot with sheena, good and bad.

i know she is going to pull through, i am claiming that for her.



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