Monthly Archives: September 2014

i just miss Him so..

everyday i look at my inbox, my hand hovering over the reply button. i just want to say something. anything. i’m sure He doesn’t want to hear from me though. so. i don’t.

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i had an awesomely lazy day today

since i put on a brisket yesterday, the only things i had left to do were mashed potatoes, green beans, and biscuits for dinner today. i got a lot of washing caught up yesterday, so i just swept the house. the kids handled the dishes. i have literally spent all day in bed. it’s not like i didn’t have more to do but fuck all that. i just didn’t feel like it. once i shake this mood off, i’ll get back to cinderelli-ing. especially since we’re all on the ass end of having colds. i need to dust, mop, and disinfect.

i am going to need time to get out of the habit of capitalizing His name and stuff. i hope He doesn’t hold it against me, don’t want Him thinking i’m trying to keep my place or whatever. He asked about my birthday and sent me a couple of links, i gave him some feedback and He thanked me. i was like, ‘Yw.. no problem.’ when i hit send, i was like, oh shit. i wasn’t trying to be funny or disrespectful, so i hope He didn’t take it that way. i’m thinking He’s going to do a new page and/or dp for me, which will be nice. my page is super old lol. His homegirl dropped by my page which i found odd. she hasn’t said anything to me since i offended her, or whatever, about her head. only thing i can figure is He told her He don’t fuck with me no more and she was just being nosy. -shrugs- not my business.

anywho, october is coming up and i’m putting myself into a scary movie coma. between the netflix, syfy, and the asian horror movie page i follow, i haven’t watched something without death in days. fine by me lol.

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well

i finally took it off. i cried. shit’s painful. but.. He pontius pilated my ass… no point in me standing still.

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that’s not my business.

i won’t look through His photos anymore.

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this. is. so. fucking. hard. i feel shattered; held together by the thinnest membrane. raw and numb at the same time.

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i… wasn’t worthy. i loaded into my room tonight. the frame that i asked for is nothing but black nothingness. i will put it back up, it’s the nothing i deserve. right now though.. i just can’t. i can only be thankful that He let me keep my apartment (if He lets me keep it).

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i can’t get high enough to get away from how low i’m feeling.

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