t.j. called from work saying that he was having a dizzy spell, his job ended up having to call an ambulance for him, and now he’s at the hospital. seems like its a good ending to a not-so-good situation right? well not so much. i had to take manda to get the truck (because his hardheaded ass drove to work, but i’ll get to that) and on the way, she let me know t.j. hasn’t been doing what he’s supposed to do. he was supposed to change his diet, start a few medications, and stop smoking those damn ports. his doctors had him on the patch while he was in the hospital after he had his heart attack, sent him home with a prescription for chantix. manda told me that her son’s grandmother AND me and t.j.’s godmother told him he did not have to buy the chantix because they could get it for him, free of charge. he’s still has the full bottle his step-son’s grandmother gave him. then on top of that, he hasn’t been keeping his nitroglycerin or his aspirin on him like he’s supposed to. he hasn’t even cut back on his cigarettes and quite frankly, manda thinks he’s smoking more than he was.
then, the icing on this whole fucked up cake, he drove himself to work. my brother does not nor has he ever had a fucking driver’s license. he keeps getting his black ass behind the wheel, and never mind the fact that he’s been pulled over numerous times and has gotten numerous tickets for driving without a license and has a court date coming up on the 9th. he still drives. if it was just going back and forth to work that would be one thing, but t.j. drives wherever like he’s legal. so i have to think what would have happened if he had his dizzy spell while he was driving? what would have happened then? he doesn’t think about this shit… its like i’m having to take care of mama all over again because he is just like her. its like he’s trying to pretend like his heart attack never happened and he can keep doing the exact same shit he was doing before he had it. that’s exactly how mama was. she had to have her chest cracked open twice and have a leg removed and she continued on like the doctors had magically made her body parts brand new. i talked, prodded, and fussed at mama until i was damn near blue in the face. every time she made it seem like she was going to/wanted to get her health together. and then we’d have the argument all over again a few days after that.
i am not going through that with my little brother. i refuse to let him go down that road knowing where it leads. other than my kids, him and his kids are all i got. and i won’t get into how he’s being unfair to manda, probably not even thinking about what she goes through each time he has to go to the hospital. i know she and i don’t consider ourselves friends but she is my family and i have to think about her too.
i’m just.. tired. feels like deja vu or something and not in a good way.