Monthly Archives: February 2015

just up. i have a few things on my mind but, eh. think i need more sun or something. something has me feeling so blah.

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got a little time to myself

today has pretty much been a breezy day for me. once the fam went to church, i lounged for a bit, then straightened up the house. we have had spring-like weather today, so the kids have been out almost all day. ny loves her phone, she’s always listening to music now. both of my kids have eclectic music tastes like me, they will listen to basically anything that sounds good to them lol. ny is stuck in the 90s for some whatever reason (probably me, idk); she was in the living room  earlier downloading candy rain by soul 4 real lol. nick loves his phone just as much.. even though he’s had to endure the weekend without it. somehow, he ended up leaving his phone with a teacher friday and has to wait until monday to get it. why putting it in his pocket instead didn’t come to his mind, i will never know. but i did email the teacher about it, so there should be no issues come the morning.

we’ve been able to keep our heads above water a little better these past couple of months, so i’m hoping my stressing will start to abate a little. the bills are getting caught up, some even paid up. it’s nice to be able to breathe for a minute. after my brother’s heart attack, i am trying to be more mindful of my mind state and stuff. some things i can’t help but worry about but now i am trying to not dwell on my worries as much. things will happen; some i will have control over, many i will not. those are the ones i dwell over the most, the things i cannot control. i have to get better at letting go.

it seems W/we have turned another corner.. it was wonderful the time i had with Him. i asked why He changed His mind, all He said was He feels differently. i don’t know what that means but i am learning not to ask many questions concerning the hows and whys of the decisions He makes. god i missed Him. i was a quivering mess and still wanted more. needed it. He just…after all these years (it boggles my mind sometimes thinking about how long [off and on] W/we’ve been in E/each O/other’s lives) nobody makes me feel/react the way He does. my mind and body were singing and for just a little bit the shit that i’ve done left my thoughts. i was His, even if for just that moment, and i sank into that. i was feeling Him, able to touch Him (minimally so as not to press my luck), the world dissolved away for me. for that time it was just Him and me. then it had to end unfortunately. my thoughts came crashing back with new ones woven in. new worries now. but all i can do is live in the moment with Him. He’s in the midst of moving so He’s busier than before. i don’t want to be a bother.

and then there’s my nia, most adorable chocolate drop you ever did see 😀 niabowbia she is the culmination of everything W/we have been through, but she is way more than that. she is my light, my love, my little magical demony chocolate delight. she is all the good and pure intentions i’ve ever had where He’s concerned. she is perfect in every way and i couldn’t love her more if i birthed her in real. i have four children, nick, ny, nickko, and nia. i love them all equally in ways i’m sure many can’t understand. no, nickko and nia aren’t my real kids. if it hadn’t been for ‘vu, i would probably have never been blessed with them in my life, but here they are and i love them just as much as nick and ny. they are my babies, end of story.

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